just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
