I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
