I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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