he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
