Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
