2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
