LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I believe in your delicious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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