Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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