i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
