Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
