That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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