Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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