it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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