$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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