Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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