What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
