So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
