I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
