My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
