My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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