the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sext me about skeletons
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
