there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
