Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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