why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
