youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
