do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
