no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
