Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
