Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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