the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
