all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's always time for handjobs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
