Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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