Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
