I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
