Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
