Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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