she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
