Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
