so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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