And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
