The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
