i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
