this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
