and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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