I just pynch a tree in the face
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
