i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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