2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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