So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
