Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
