I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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