Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
