I'm drive I can fine osifer
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
