Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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