I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
